Why She Won’t Have Sex With You – Reasons Why Girls Don’t Sleep With Guys

New York City dating coaching for men

Men are pretty simple. As long as the girl is hot and she’s open to it, he will be more than happy to have sex. But women are more complex, both for why they have sex as well as why they don’t have sex.

A man being “attractive” in a general sense is not always enough for a woman to actually sleep with him. Here are some major reasons why a woman will not sleep with a man, beginning with the most obvious:

She is just not attracted to you

Maybe she likes you as a friend, or she was attracted enough to give the phone number and go out on a date, but on further inspection she doesn’t feel enough pull or enough chemistry to actually have sex.

Physical logistics

You might meet a girl at a bar and really hit it off. She’s down, you’re down. But she lives 45 minutes in one direction, you live an hour in the other direction, it’s 6 AM and you’re both tired, and there are no hotels or private places in sight.

Bottom line: no sex. This is why you must always organize logistics as favorably as possible for yourself.

Logistics are the easiest, but most overlooked, aspect of game. They are also the most essential to actually making it happen and getting laid. Even an amazing sexual connection with a girl will evaporate if it takes too long to move from point A to point B. You have to strike while the iron is hot.

You slept with her friend

Or made out/ got intimate/ whatever. There is something distasteful to many women, rightly or wrongly, about having sex with a man who has already slept with someone close to her. They want to feel that there is a unique connection, even if it’s casual.

She may feel you are extremely attractive, and she may fantasize about sex with you. But because of the circumstances, she just will not do the deed.

She is satisfied

This is the mistake that countless men make constantly, and probably will continue to make until the end of time. Example: the man who dances on the girl, makes out with her, and flirts/ teases/ jokes with her in the club, he KNOWS that it’s on… only to come home empty-handed.

Instead of pushing things forward and keeping the edge, he stagnated. He showered her with validation. She is satisfied and fulfilled, and has no desire to continue. It’s not worth the risk to go somewhere alone with him.

Another example is the guy that wines and dines her for 5, 10, 15 dates without making a move. Not only is this unattractive behavior, but she now feels like a goddess worthy of worship, gifts and free dinners. She knows that she has him. The fire of desire is smothered.

She thinks you are a player and doesn’t want to get hurt

A woman may be very sexually attracted to a man. But if she thinks (or knows) that he is sleeping with lots of other girls, she may not want to put herself in a situation where her heart might be broken.

She has low self-esteem

A girl with low self-esteem might not understand why you like her at all. She doesn’t think she has much to offer. (This also applies to many men with low self-esteem, who are completely oblivious to the signals of attraction girls are giving them.)

Maybe she can’t imagine why you would like her for anything other than her body. Or maybe she can’t even imagine that you are physically attracted to her.

She has weird psychological hang-ups about sex

Luckily this only affects a tiny fraction of the population. But if she has deep psychological issues (caused by an abusive childhood, sexual assault, etc), she may not have sex with you even if she wants to.

She has traditional beliefs about courting/ relationships

This is less and less of a factor nowadays. But it is still there. And it’s obviously a huge factor in more traditional communities.

If you want to demolish those social barriers and lure women into sin, it takes a certain kind of game. It’s not impossible, but it’s hard. It’s much easier to just focus on the more sexually free women.

She is focusing on other things

Men can compartmentalize sex much more than women. For women, sex is more emotional and touches more aspects of her life. So if she is focusing on her career, school work, moving to a new city, or other major life changes, dating or sex may not be on her radar.

In most of these cases, the woman is sexually attracted to you. She may even be VERY attracted to you. She may fantasize about you. But actually having sex will not happen.

Separate from physical logistics is what we can call “emotional logistics.” In other words, the stuff that game is made of. Most of these obstacles can be overcome through your skill in game and managing emotions (yours and hers). Unless you can carry her emotionally all the way through, sex will not happen.

This means you are not just exciting to her, but she feels comfortable and a sense of connection as well (this applies for one night stands too). Last minute resistance often comes up because of these deficiencies in your game.

WDISTH-ver2-coverCheck out “What Do I Say to Her? The Simple Guide to Conversation & Flirting”


4 thoughts on “Why She Won’t Have Sex With You – Reasons Why Girls Don’t Sleep With Guys

  1. You forgot two reasons:

    -She doesn’t want to have sex with you because she’s already in a relationship, and she’s just out enjoying a (self bought) drink.

    -She doesn’t want to have sex with you because casual sex isn’t something she wants to partake in.

    • That’s true. I was basically thinking of a single woman/ a woman who has already expressed some level of interest in a guy.

      I think a lot of these would apply even outside a casual context.

  2. No one can really explain why relationships occur between men and women. A man may fall in luv with a woman for no obvious reason. Often luck chance or circumstance may play a
    role in what takes place.

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