Why women get more attached after sex


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Women tend to attach more value to sex than men. Women also become more attached to a man after sleeping with him, than vice versa. Why is this?

It turns out there is a biological basis for greater feelings of attachment and commitment in women after sex. The hormone oxytocin is released during sex and orgasm in both men and women.

This hormone functions to increase trust, make us feel more connected and reduce stress. Oxytocin is experienced differently by men and women, however:

“Oxytocin seems to have been ‘designed’ by nature to make a man and woman feel bonded after sex, so they would stay together and raise children,” she says. “Today, the physiology of men and women still plays out according to this pattern. But estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin, while testosterone seems to mute them. That’s why women tend to feel more attached after sex than men do.”

Oxytocin is also released by the body from simple physical touch. This helps to explain why physical escalation is such an important part of seduction.

Simply increasing the amount of physical closeness, and physical touching, in your game has the potential to explode your results with dates and sex. Guys who require 3, 4, 5 or more dates before sex becomes possible are usually not doing enough physical touching.

The fact that women get more attached after sex is one of the biggest reasons why they hesitate before sleeping with a new guy, even if they want to.

Most women have had experiences where they slept with a guy, had feelings for him and felt connected to him, but then had him break up soon after or even just disappear. After one or two of these emotional trauma experiences, a woman will realize just how affected she is by sex, and she will be careful about sleeping with a new guy, even if she is very attracted to him.

Women will look for a man to be emotionally available and open, as this gives her an indication that he will still be “around” emotionally after sex.

This is why it’s so important for you to convey honesty and genuineness when dealing with women.  It’s not just for having clear communication and clear expectations on all sides. For a girl you like and want to spend more time with, it’s also for sending a signal that you will still like her and want to be with her after sex.

9 thoughts on “Why women get more attached after sex

  1. This explains a lot which I was already aware of.

    I forgot where I heard this saying, but a guy was saying that he’s in love, and the other 1 told him he’s not in love, he’s just high off oxytocin lol!

    Sort of makes sense! But that chemical is definitely a component in driving women up the wall with attachments.

    • It would be interesting to see if women (or people in general) with lower levels of this chemical report less attachment or connection with their partners.

  2. Also IP, is it safe to say that the exceptional women who are low of the hormone or chemical, they tend to not get as attached? Is that logical to surmise?

    • Yeah like I said, that would be an interesting question. We would have to see specific data though to be sure that was the case.

  3. I beleive men experience oxytocin quicker, they tend to fall in love sooner, before sex. Having said that it’s odd that women would argue men are shallow or loveless…

    • I think men certainly fall in lust quickly, before sex (as do women). But in terms of emotional commitment, not really. Most women have had sex with a guy who was eager and excited before, only to be withdrawn and blase after. That indicates that it was more about satisfying the sexual urge than an actual genuine emotional investment. Indeed, how can one be that emotionally invested in someone one barely knows?

  4. Well one can argue that this hormone is mostly released through orgasm in women and men. Orgasm is a huge issue for women by the way because we know very little on female sexuality we view sexuality through a man`s perspective. Also while testosterone decreases affects of oxytocin men also have vasopressin which allows him to develop a preference for that female, that “your mine” chemical people are all different don’t put us all in one group.

  5. But to make it more clear men need to “know” women before they love them. Sex is a BIG deal to them. Its one of the most important ways they bond to women period. The difference is that with men if he sleeps with a woman early on for one they aren`t as emotional and also how can he trust a woman who slept with him so early? That’s why they like women with morals think about the idea of (if she slept with me too early does that mean she`ll sleep with someone else? is that baby mine?). So really men need to trust women before they give them their heart, its not that men don’t bond at all and blah blah blah. They do through sex, they just can better rationalize hook ups and to some degree they suppress their feelings, but in a relationship expecially if they LOVE and TRUST you that’s the best sex hell ever have not just physically but emotionally, spiritually and in everyway and hell definitely bond because that’s what humans are here for.

  6. Some situations are not as cut and dry, some are complex. Some women will know a guy for years and then suddenly there’s an attraction, only to find out after the sex that a man will STILL detach himself from the situation by silent treatment, change in tone (goes from flirting to acting ‘funny’ in their behavior and words, i.e. “You’re sexy” to “you’re just a friend”) and overall demeanor toward the female changes, comes around less, cancels plans or just doesn’t show up at all. Doesn’t seem to matter what the female does or says, he acts like she doesn’t exist out of the blue and can’t be honest about it, so just avoids her altogether. Honestly, I think men can’t handle heavy emotions, aren’t equipped to deal with love. They turn love into lust and feelings into burdens. Doesn’t matter what your excuses are, isn’t fair to anyone. Just be honest and have the balls to say it. You make it a MUCH bigger deal ducking her and avoiding her and giving her the silent treatment, will drive a female over the edge and start acting crazy. Men want the sex and none of the consequences or what comes after. Learn to read a female better before sleeping with her instead of assuming it’s all fun and games, especially if she’s making AN EXCEPTION for you. Females aren’t the only culprits in the act. Men initiate and give the wrong impressions, then can’t cop to the real deal. Evolve already. Thanks.

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