The 3 main types of guys and the average guy’s sex life

There are basically three types of guys when it comes to sex and relationships.

The first and most important is the average guy. The average guy had a few good friends in high school, maybe kissed two or three girls, had sex with one of them, and that was probably his first girlfriend. (The average male in the US has sex for the first time at age 17.) Then in college he kisses a few more girls, has one or two more girlfriends. And maybe one or two drunken casual sex experiences.

After he graduates college, he gets a job, moves to a new town or city, has two or three more girlfriends over the next decade, whom he meets through friends, his workplace and the occasional bar meeting. One of those girls is the one he eventually marries (the vast majority of spouses are met through social circle zones like school and work). Currently, the median age at first marriage for American men is 29 according to the Census.

How many women has the average man slept with? In my hypothetical, it’s 4 to 8. The data agrees: a median of 6.1 lifetime partners for men 25-44 years old. How many men are in the “average ” category? I would guesstimate about 50-60%.

Then we have the the below-average guy. This is a guy who didn’t have much of a social life in high school or college. He might have had a few friends over those 8 years, but he didn’t really go to parties or meet new people on a regular basis. By the time he graduates from college (around age 22) he has kissed one girl or had sex with one girl, if any. About 27% of men aged 15-24 have never had any kind of sex. He will probably get married in his mid to late twenties, if at all, to his girlfriend–who is either his girlfriend from college, or a girl he met through work or friends. He has slept with a total of one or two women in his life.

Finally, there is the above-average guy. This is the most diverse group. It is diverse because it includes all types of characters, across the widest age range:

  • “naturals” who had a bustling social life all through high school and college;
  • pro athletes, musicians, rock stars, movie stars and other entertainers who hit it big in their 20s or 30s;
  • privileged men who are born into money and used to having their choice of cars, jobs and women;
  • PUAs and seducers (mostly former below-average guys, although some average guys too) who have learned about game and dating and have transformed themselves;
  • and other socially high-value characters like successful entrepreneurs, nightclub managers, event producers, other high-income (financiers, lawyers, doctors), and even the occasional drug kingpin.

These guys have the highest number of lifetime sex partners. They are roughly the remaining 20-25% of men: according to the CDC, 22% of men have had 15 or more female sexual partners.

What you notice about these numbers is that it doesn’t take much to rank as “average.” That’s why that category encompasses so many men.

Understanding the realities of what is “normal” in sex and relationships is important because many guys get into pickup or game trying to fix something that is not broken. They’ve already slept with or dated plenty of girls, but they think there is some secret super-advanced method to get even more girls. The reality, of course, is that advanced methods are useful only on the margins. The only thing that will lead to massive gains in your sex life will be (1) deeper changes to your lifestyle, or (2) approaching larger numbers of women.

And, on the other side, there are tons of below-average guys that are paranoid they are missing the boat and that all of their peers are hooking up left and right and having orgies every weekend. The reality is, the average man’s sex life is pretty tame. If that below-average guy can just make some key changes in approach anxiety, conversation skills, the way he dresses, getting a job, and other basic things, he will also get those kinds of results. And for most guys, that is enough.

 

WDISTH-ver2-coverCheck out “What Do I Say to Her?
The Simple Guide to Conversation & Flirting”

18 thoughts on “The 3 main types of guys and the average guy’s sex life

  1. Powerful article in that the below average guy doesn’t have to do anything that radical to get into the average bracket. Also, it’s shocking to find that the average guy really isn’t putting up high lay #’s. This is true of course, but the impression I had was that the average guy is banging about 10 new girls per year lol

    • Ha, that would be pretty interesting if they were!

      Most people, men and women, just have sex in the context of long term relationships. Most of the sex that happens is with boyfriends/girlfriends or spouses.

      I guess it’s easy to get the impression that people have sex with lots of different people from Hollywood and TV shows, but all that stuff is obviously bullshit. (A lot of below-average guys definitely fall prey to this fake image of sex.)

      Anyway, these stats are for Americans. It would differ in other countries, but I don’t think by much.

  2. Thinking about it from that standpoint, guys like us are really fucking wacky lol!

    Reason I say that is, the average guy gets sex via monogamous relationship i.e. his GF or wife. Guys like us attain sex primarily from casual hookups. That’s insane lol! So just imagine Average Joe gets lucky at the age of 17, he will then go steady with that 1 girl for some years. They’ll break up, he goes without sex for years, gets lucky again via social circle or family member hooking him up, he gets into another LTR with her, it lasts 6 years, they move on, cycle repeats. From that angle, it actually means that 50% of the average Joes are only having sex with about 3 different girls during their lifetimes. That’s crazy!

    • Exactly. Now you know why the porn industry is so big lol.

      You should check out the info I linked to from the CDC, there’s lots of interesting data there.

  3. Yea this is groundbreaking. And that lead me to say what I did that guys like us have to have a trace of craziness in us that we can step outside of what is normal and do what is not so normal…it’s no wonder why many guys try pickup but fail miserably. I guess it’s really hard for most to step out the box.

    • Yeah, excellent point. In my case, I was always a little out of the norm, back when I had no social skills, and all the way to today.

      So in some ways it’s easier to go from below-average to above-average because the kind of guy who is below-average is used to being outside of the norm/ a little unusual socially.

  4. That was my point. I seen a video of RSD Tyler where he was saying the same thing, that to what we do, we have to be a bit out there, because systematically picking up women is not normal lol. Sure I’m just kidding about the crazy part, but society would see what we do as a bit out there.

  5. When I was younger I use to think everyone else was getting more than me, but now I realize I was bloating their results, delusion or youthful naivety perhaps. Getting just above average is where the ball just starts rolling, that’s when things get interesting. You can be in the average category and still know nothing about women, men and attraction.

    • Exactly. And I was the same way. The media plays into these unrealistic myths too.

      Even though most guys have sex and have girlfriends and wives, they never really attain true choice in their love lives. That’s the domain of those above-average and highly attractive elite men.

  6. I dont fall in any of these categories as I have never experienced a kiss let alone sex. Sitting on my couch at age 24 and going through this article makes me feel miserable. I know this feeling wont help me anyways but I have been feeling same since the last two years, realized it and been into game tried cold approach hanging out and everything else but to no success.

    I know my mistakes and am kinda learning from it but currently even a kiss is a far fetched dream I can think of. Must be giving you a picture that I am massively unattractive or disabled, isnt it? Not so, am an average built guy if not attractive I dont consider myself unattractive. I know I am just ranting about my situation but since there are so many priorities (i’e carrier, money, security, future, passion) I dont see anything possible in the coming years. I live in new delhi a pretty global place with lots of 9s 10s but my bills and work doesnt let me break free.

    My dilemma is that the feeling I have right now flips and in a social situation where I can play the game my abilities go for a toss. My mind goes numb and I cant make a conversation at times as I get overwhelmed and loose my composure. However I feel very secure and at times I am loud still not subtle enough to translate a talk into a connection.
    I dont know how are things gonna happen but I end up feeling miserable sitting by myself. I have this poem I wrote about an year ago in need of intimacy, precisely defines my state even now:
    http://benrobinson1978.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/my-starved-sexlife-and-frustration/

    • Hey Vick, well these categories are in the US, not India. India is a very different society. I think I read somewhere that, among a group of countries surveyed, India has the lowest average lifetime number of sex partners for men. And I also know that India has a huge excess of men over women, further constraining things.

      So rest assured, your situation is not totally unusual. Chances are, most guys you see walking around have a lot less sexual experience than you think (although they may never admit it).

      You mentioned your current lifestyle doesn’t let you break free. Here’s the thing: it’s totally up to you what your priorities are. If sex and dating is a priority for you, then you will have to make time for it.

      I know what it is like to create a lifestyle for yourself where women are just not in the picture. You automatically have a lot of stuff going on–work, school, hobbies, whatever. You literally have no time for dating.

      But if you do want to improve this area of your life, you will need to set aside at least some time every week to go out, socialize, meet new people and talk to girls. And you will have to keep at it over and over, you won’t get a make out or get laid the first time you go out.

      I would recommend you focus on social circle situations where you can meet friends of friends, and have a better chance of meeting women who are available and interested.

      Understand this is a marathon, not a sprint. It will take time. I understand you’re frustrated and disillusioned. If you need to take a break for a while, then do so. Then get back out there and experiment with new styles and new situations to see what works for you.

  7. Interesting piece.
    I originally came to this site not due to a lack of sex or sexual partners, but to see how I could separate myself from all the other guys out here in the bedroom, and really leave a lasting impression.
    I’ve worked in the entertainment and real estate industry since the age of 18, so most can guess what category I fall into.
    It seemed to me, through my perspective, that the average guy has 20 or more sexual partners before the age of 30, at least.
    Sex is so easily accessible here where I live, that I found myself ignorant to the actual stats prior to reading this post.
    Anyways, thanks for the write up.

    Cheers,
    TP

    • Cool, thanks for coming. Chances are in your industry you meet and hang out with a lot of guys like yourself, who have good options with women and sex. But outside of those fields (especially entertainment) most guys are getting these very average results.

  8. Wow! I’m a little shorter than average but told I look good and I work out a lot. I had sex with about 40 women/girls by the time I was 25. I found most often being nice and listening to girls they would come after me. Not that I was special it seems they want what they aren’t sure they can have. Just be available and a good person and it happens(sometimes too much). Now I think I would have preferred less partners. I now much prefer being intimate long term with one instead of physical with many.

    • It can definitely be that easy haha. But that was a phase in your life, you’ve probably moved on at this point as you’ve matured.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: