Can you Respect Women and Still Have Sex With Them?

Is it only assholes that get anywhere with women? Nope. You can be a decent, normal human being while still having sex with women. Here are three major things to understand about attraction and assholes.

You don’t have to be an asshole to get laid, or to be sexually attractive to women.

A lot of guys assume that they have to mistreat women in order to have sex with them. They believe that women only respond to men who put them down, insult them, abuse them emotionally, or talk about them in derogatory terms.

Do some women respond to this? Sure. You can find some woman, somewhere, who will respond to just about anything.

But it tends to be a very specific kind of girl. A girl who does not have very high self-esteem. If you think you have to treat women like shit to get them in bed, then you will either attract these kinds of women, or attract no one because you won’t want to play that game.

Instead, look for high-value men who are sexy and attractive to women, who are dominant, powerful and go after what they want, but who are still respectful, courteous, and fundamentally good. Use these men as your models for effective behavior, not the assholes.

Every woman is not, and never will be, sexually attracted to you.

Ironically, this is a very liberating thing to realize. You can be confident that you are attractive and desirable in a general sense, without expecting every single girl you approach to fall in love with you.

Some women will find you repulsive. And some women will find you irresistible.

A good portion of asshole behavior comes from guys not wanting to “let go,” and thinking that they are entitled on some level to have sex. They won’t take no for an answer, and end up pissing off every woman they talk with.

This is actually the path of greatest resistance: if this guy just cut his losses when it became clear she wasn’t interested, he could move on and meet more girls.

Asshole behavior often goes hand-in-hand with the belief that all women are the same. Therefore if one woman is into you, you assume all other women will be too. This is obviously absurd.

Many women are not interested at all, because each person has different preferences. And even for those who are interested, many are just not available (they already have a relationship, the logistics don’t work, their friends get in the way, whatever).

Churn and burn. It’s all part of the game.

Women want to get laid too, and sex does not have to happen in the traditional “dating” format.

The next myth is that only assholes can have casual sex or no-strings relationships. “Nice guys” go the route of traditional dating, committed relationships and monogamy.

The experiences of tons of PUAs and seducers around the world contradicts this. The reason a lot of assholes get the short-term casual flings is because they pursue it most aggressively.

The kind of guy who is very self-centered and doesn’t care about others is also often the guy who goes after sex when he wants it. But you can separate these two things.

Focus on developing the qualities that are sexually desirable to women: confidence, looking good, leadership, taking risks, emotional openness and honesty. Being insulting, uncouth, self-centered or demeaning towards others have nothing to do with any of those qualities.

 

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12 thoughts on “Can you Respect Women and Still Have Sex With Them?

  1. Many men have difficulty divorcing the notion of ambition and leadership with asshole behaviour. I believe that ambition and fearlessness can look like jerk behaviour on a surface level. Mark manson says one should aim for a benign selfishness, basically you can have it your way without disrespecting others.

    Overall the glorification of the asshole annoys me, makes me cringe too.

    At the same time, you have guys tip-toeing around asshole behaviour thinking anything could pigeon-hole them as one. My friend thought that it was rude for him to ask a girl in his circle for her # the other day.

    • Very true, a lot of it comes down to lack of social awareness and calibration. It’s like you’re either a raving psychotic, or a benign wallflower. These guys have no sense of proportion or normalcy. Often it comes from an awkward childhood or negative experiences in their past.

      If a guy thinks that asking a girl for her number is rude, then of course he’s going to think that only rude guys date women! Lol.

      The good news is these attitudes can be overcome though. Of course, some guys never move past them, which is a shame.

  2. “Asshole behavior often goes hand-in-hand with the belief that all women are the same.”- Amen!
    Just like when girls say men are all the same and want to dog them all the time.
    Great post. I agree that the aggressive jerks get laid more mainly because they are just more aggressive. It’s the aggressiveness that is the secret ingredient, not the jerky part.
    And I’ve said this on SocialKenny’s site, but yeah, some girls confuse jerkiness with confidence.

    • Yeah, more and more people are starting realize that you can separate the sexual appeal of the jerk from the “jerkiness,” but the myth still persists.

  3. The next myth is that only assholes can have casual sex or no-strings relationships. “Nice guys” go the route of traditional dating, committed relationships and monogamy. The experiences of tons of PUAs and seducers around the world contradicts this. The reason a lot of assholes get the short-term casual flings is because they pursue it most aggressively.

    IP, I see you that you raise interesting topics and share a lot of good information in your blog.

    I find this excerpt I have quoted above very interesting and which was sort of a theme of discussion between us in JFG. Perhaps you could expand on the different reactions women have to “casual” and “traditional” dating guys? This could make an interesting topic/article. This is what I call the feminine double standard because even high N tend to exhibit the pattern.

    • Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.

      You’re right, even girls who have had many partners will often prioritize the more traditional kind of guy when it comes to a relationship. I remember reading a Reddit page where a girl who had had a decent number of partners was now asking how to find a nice, traditional dude to settle down with.

      Of course, we see the same thing often with men who have been with many women but now want a “different kind of girl.” Everybody wants to have their cake and eat it too.

      But what’s interesting is that these people would be much better served by seeking people of the same temperament as themselves. That would deliver much more happiness and relationship satisfaction.

  4. A decent amount of the manosphere believes that it’s acceptable/desirable for a man to have a high N, but very bad for a woman to, though. Many of them don’t realize that being a man who brags about having 10+ sexual partners but demanding his wife be a virgin sounds extremely hypocritical. So he’s allowed to have fun with numerous people, but she must be experienced only with him? That’s cool if that is just how the relationship is (my FwB arrangement is this way) and she doesn’t want more partners…but being upset that most women aren’t virgins on their wedding night is selfish.

    Of course, a woman who’s had many more partners than her man should be aware of this and not rub it in his face or openly compare him to past lovers. She should also keep having good amounts of sex with him…I would find it to be poor taste to marry a woman who says she had a fun and active sex life before marrying me, only to have to beg for sex once a month once the ring is on her finger.

    • Couldn’t agree more with the hypocrisy issue. A lot of that stems from ego and sexual pride and whatnot. It’s also completely unrealistic as there are almost no virgin weddings today in mainstream society. Even relatively traditional or “conservative” people are not virgins for very long.

      And rubbing one’s sexual experience in another’s face/ comparing them to past partners is rude no matter who does it, man or woman. If you really care about someone, you won’t be doing that kind of thing.

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