How to get laid without being an asshole

First, read about the mindset you should have as you pursue sex without being an asshole. Here are three major steps for taking action. My thoughts on this subject come largely from the fact that (1) I am not an asshole and (2) I get laid.

Approach women and be nice.

Never underestimate the power of an honest compliment. Being nice has nothing to do with being needy, or desperate, or giving your power away, or putting her on a pedestal. In the same way, you can be a healthy challenge, tease her playfully, or sexually escalate without being mean, nasty or creepy.

If she says she is not interested, then just say “Ok, have a nice day” and walk away. Don’t try to be funny. You’re not funny. You’re just annoying her. If she was interested or curious, she would not have told you she’s not interested. There are more than enough women in the world for you.

So, basically, the question of “how to not be an asshole” answers itself: just don’t be one.

Have a sense of humor about the whole thing and don’t take yourself so seriously.

The guys who get laid the most are the least concerned about getting laid. Instead, they focus on the important stuff, and sex is a byproduct of that.

The important things are things like having fun, being in your own world, feeling good, building a life you enjoy, looking your best, doing things you like and spending time in places you like.

You approach women because you feel like talking to them. You try to kiss a girl because you feel like kissing her, that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s not about “getting her,” it’s about doing what you feel like at that moment.

When guys get on a “mission” to get laid or get a specific result, that’s when they enter into creepy mode or asshole mode. An asshole, if he is anything, is a guy who takes himself too seriously.

Gentle persistence.

You aren’t going to get anywhere with women unless you take initiative. Persistence is a term with a lot of baggage, but it’s really very simple: push things gradually forward (physically and verbally), and pay attention to her. When she says something or does something indicating she’s not comfortable in that moment, then you back off.

Pay close attention to the girl (which is not very hard), respond to her, and let your natural instincts and masculine desire take the lead (which is not very hard either).

If you just relax in your masculinity while focusing on her and being open to her feedback, it’s almost impossible for you to go too far. Trust your instincts. She will resist a little bit, you will back off, and ten minutes later you will subtly reinitiate because you feel like it, NOT because you “need” to get laid tonight.

Women understand that men have the role of leading and persisting. They don’t have a problem with a guy who pushes things forward or tries something. They do have a problem with a guy who doesn’t respond to their feedback, doesn’t pay attention to them, and sees them as an object instead of a person with desires and boundaries.

Persist, but be gentle. The asshole is big on persistence, but he’s not gentle, and that’s what makes him such an asshole.


WDISTH-ver2-coverCheck out “What Do I Say to Her?
The Simple Guide to Conversation & Flirting”

9 thoughts on “How to get laid without being an asshole

  1. Great post. I suppose most of it stems from thinking sex is entitled to you, with that you’re likely to be an asshole or just get sad.

  2. Hey! Love the blog, I’m a bit of a reforming introvert 🙂 Really enjoyed reading through the blog when I found it lately.
    I have a question though. I’m not finding meeting or even sleep with women lately to be difficult. I’ve upped my game and do ok. But I’m at a point where I don’t just want to go out week after week practicing, I’d love to meet a really quality girl I could see as more than a short term thing.

    I guess I still see them as a little difficult to approach or if I do, they often start out very cold or aloof and I’m not great at breaking through that. Any advice or recommendations?

    • Thanks man, I appreciate it.

      There’s two ways I can interpret “quality.” Do you mean a really hot girl who is just cold and aloof, or do you mean a girl who is “quality” in the sense of a great match for you emotionally, personality-wise, etc?

  3. Thats a good point. Of course a girl can be an incredible match personality wise, she may be well educated with great career or she might be just plain hot. Of course we’re all trying to find the same bundled up in one… which isn’t easy at all.
    But I guess I’m speaking in terms of looks here. Even if I got a “10” but her personality sucked I’d be turned off but generally speaking the more a girl perceives HERSELF as being hot, the harder I find it to get her. I’m blown out before even finding out if her other traits are a good match. I think as I’ve gotten better I’ve raised my standards when it comes to girls I want to keep around to date but with that has come frustration at getting a lot of girls I really have that raw attraction to.

  4. Thanks for this post and great timing! I got caught up in the whole “assholes finish first” mentality and now I’m reinventing. Thanks

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