Physical touching to attract women – the importance of physical escalation in attraction

The power of human touch is illustrated in an interesting French experiment. It’s like a scene straight out of a PUA boot camp:

The scene was a particularly sunny June day in a pedestrian zone in the city of Vannes… in the west of France. Over the course of that day, three young and handsome French men randomly approached 240 young women they spotted walking alone and propositioned each and every one of them. To each, they would utter exactly the same words: “Hello. My name’s Antoine. I just want to say that I think you’re really pretty. I have to go to work this afternoon but I wonder if you would give me your phone number. I’ll phone you later and we can have a drink together someplace.” If the woman refused, they’d say, “Too bad. It’s not my day. Have a nice afternoon.” And then they’d look for another young woman to approach. If the woman handed over her number, they’d tell her the proposition was all in the name of science, at which time, according to the scientists, most of the women laughed. The key to the experiment was this: with half the women they propositioned, the young men added a light one-second touch to the woman’s forearm. The other half received no touch.

In short, daytime cold approaching. What effect did touching have on the results?

Over the course of the day, the young men collected three dozen phone numbers. When they didn’t touch the women, they had a success rate of 10 percent; when they touched them, their success rate was 20 percent. That light one-second touch doubled their popularity.

The article goes on to describe the power of touching in developing trust, comfort and connection.

This is yet another example of how physical contact is one of the most powerful things you can incorporate into your game. Touching that is appropriate for the social context (higher for night game, lower for day game) can completely revolutionize your results, where other measures will make only a marginal difference.

This also helps explain why guys who never lay a finger on girls, including and especially on dates, have a very hard time getting anywhere. The girl will not escalate on herself for you. You have to initiate.

One of my favorite things about physical escalation is that, as an introvert, it allows you to come out of your shell and connect with women without yapping. Getting bogged down in all those words and chitchat usually isn’t very productive in moving things forward with women.

A well-placed touch is a more efficient use of your energy. And touching a woman feels more natural and comfortable for me, as an introverted man, than trying to string together the right combination of statements and questions.

Most human communication is nonverbal. Touching is usually more powerful than words. When I’m hanging out with a female friend, for instance, instead of trying to put into words my sympathies when she’s describing a problem she has, I will take her hand and give it a gentle caring squeeze.

Or when she gives some good news, instead of verbalizing, I will express my happiness by hugging her or giving her a high five or even putting my arm around her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Get comfortable with physical contact, and the results might just blow your mind.


10 thoughts on “Physical touching to attract women – the importance of physical escalation in attraction

  1. Social Kenny has been writing about this subject a lot lately!
    I agree that touching does help in getting the girl to feel more connected to you.
    For me though, I HATE it, if it’s the first time we are meeting or first date, only because it’s happened so much, and maybe from guys who didn’t calibrate me well enough.
    But if I like a guy and feel comfortable with him, I will touch him on his arm or his back.

    • A lot of guys don’t calibrate very well, that’s true. Frankly, it takes some solid experience for a guy to get really well-calibrated when it comes to touch. And even that requires a lot of reflection and conscious testing of what girls respond to and what they don’t. So we’re already talking a small minority of men.

      Different cultures have different standards around touch as well, further complicating matters (Japan is a much less touch-friendly culture than, say, Brazil).

      This gives me an idea for another post…

    • Also, in the study they did, not all the girls responded well to the touching. But for the most part if I remember the ones who did not respond well still were not hugely turned off.

    • This seems to be one of the challenges of being an introvert. In general we tend to be a lot better at reading the signals women are giving us and we care more about our actions having a negative effect on those around us. And yet to start any kind of escalation with women in the first place we have to ignore those senses and take a blind risk.

      We have to touch women, uninvited, and unfortunately some of those women are going to be made uncomfortable by our actions.

      My problem can be calibration. I spend a lot of time around dancers for whom close physical contact is the most normal thing in the world. I’ve then gone on dates with non-dancers and had them leap back six feet in the air because I’ve touched their hand.

      • Calibration is important, but you know what, some of the most successful guys, introverted or extroverted, are those that push it and go a little too far. They’re willing to get a drink in the face from someone like Moksie if it means they go home with another girl.

        I’ve had similar experiences with girls who were very uncomfortable with touching or kissing. Nothing you can really do about it, you just have to own it, don’t apologize, and move on to the next one. If she’s that much of a prude I can only imagine dating her would be like hell. This is assuming, of course, that it was clear it was a date with romantic intentions.

        Sometimes she will come around and be turned on by your ballsiness, but more importantly, you just can’t allow your game to be dictated by girls who operate like that. Don’t assume that a girl knows the first thing about game or proper dating etiquette. Surprisingly, many of them don’t.

      • Yeah women love the “accidental on purpose” touching, where the physical escalation happens but in a way that is not “forced.”

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