Want choice with women? Everybody has to work for it, from PUAs and pimps to athletes and actors

I recall hearing a story from Mystery about him and a group of his students. They walked into a restaurant and saw a famous rock star having lunch. Across the room was a woman with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend was sitting behind a curtain so that he could see his girlfriend, but he couldn’t see the rest of the venue (including where the rock star guy was). But she had a clear view of the celebrity. Mystery and his students were watching this whole thing play out.

The boyfriend got up to use the bathroom. Immediately the girl stands up and walks over to Mr. Rock star and introduces herself. She chats with him for a few minutes and gives him her card. She sits back down at the table before her boyfriend returns, none the wiser.

The best part of this story is the last part: one of Mystery’s students, having just seen what happened, said “It was so easy for him! We have to learn all these theories and routines to pickup girls, but he just walks in here and gets the women!” To which Mystery replied: “Yeah it was easy for the rock star… he just had to make a platinum record, that’s all.”

The point of the story is that it’s possible to have tons of options with women, but you’re going to have to work for it no matter what. You could become a famous musician, or a professional athlete, or a successful businessman. And the women would be available for you.

You wouldn’t have to “put in the work” of approaching and escalating on loads of women. But if you think a famous musician, actor or pro athlete doesn’t work hard to achieve his status, you’re either delusional or not paying attention.

These are highly competitive fields, even for the highly talented. And the market for music, movies and sports can be very fickle. One day you’re on top of the world, the next day you’re a nobody whose contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

But if you can make it big, the rewards to your sex life can be immense, at least for that brief window. See this story from a publicist who works with professional athletes:

No woman is off-limits for a sports figure. I once went to a billiards bar with another client, the NBA player. The place doubled as a night club, and because my guy had just won a title, heads turned the moment we walked in.

An attractive married woman—she had a huge rock on her finger—came over and started hitting on my client immediately and relentlessly. After a while, her husband came out from the dance club area, clearly upset. He never threatened anything physical. He barely even raised his voice. He just wanted to know what she was doing. His wife played dumb. So my client spoke up: “Your girl is trying to fuck me.”

The husband got into it a little with his wife. He wanted to leave. My client called over one of the bouncers and told him to get rid of the couple. The wife decided to stay. The husband got booted. He was irate. She didn’t care. Five minutes later, my client was having sex with her in the back office of the club.

I would disagree with the idea that “no woman is off-limits.” This guy is writing from his personal experience, which of course selects for those specific women. But nevertheless, the potential is there.

A no-name guy who wants to get lots of chicks or generate huge options for himself has to put in the work too. But instead of busting his ass in the gym for hours each day, winning a national sports championship, laboring for years to make a name for himself in the insanely competitive film industry, or working hard to get the right certification for a legal or financial career, the pickup artist instead puts in his work on the streets and bars.

The net result is the same for all these guys–lots of girls, lots of options for sex and relationships–but the paths to get there are different.

(The only exception is guys who are born into money and privilege, which is admittedly a very small percentage of all men. Yes, some people have an unfair advantage in life.)

Everybody has to work for it. It’s just a question of what your talents are, and what you choose to focus on. Whether it’s music, sports, corporate work, entrepreneurship, art, performance, meeting strangers, or countless other things, there is potential for you to excel in your own way and leverage it to benefit your dating life, and get choice with women.

But you have to take action and take initiative.

20 thoughts on “Want choice with women? Everybody has to work for it, from PUAs and pimps to athletes and actors

  1. I think it’s also worth mentioning that the interest from women won’t begin once you’re successful either. I’m sure NBA players discipline and interest in basketball in high school would have given him higher value, same goes for the rockstar and the entrepreneur. Those pursuits challenge social norms, they’re not boring and that raises their value regardless of whether they have arrived at success yet.

    • That’s true. You have the jock in high school, or the no-name guy who has his own band. Yet even at that level, it’s work (it may be work you love, but work nonetheless). The jock guy has to go to practice and perform well in games, the guitarist has to actually compose and perform and try to get gigs, etc.

      So even if they aren’t super successful yet, they have qualities like risk-taking or independence or a willingness to compete, which are attractive.

  2. It’s possible to argue that the reason art exists is as part of human mating strategies.

    I’ve poured several years worth of consistent effort into learning partnered dancing, like ballroom and latin. Beautiful women quite often get the golden ticket with such things, get all the attention of the good male dancers and as a result learn very quickly.

    As a man it is very rare to get such treatment. You have show up to those classes on your own, dance with the grannies, the clumsies, and the overweight women, and smile all the way through your persistence. Once you have shown that you are one of those few with dedication and true love of what you are doing, only then will the magic doors start to open.

    I think this is true for any pursuit in life.

    • Yeah any situation where beautiful women are in the minority, they will usually get a lot of attention (even if they don’t always deserve it).

      Absolutely, it’s critical that men pursue activities and interests to enrich themselves and enjoy their lives. If you’re just doing something as a “means to an end” not only will you come across as fake to people, but you’ll never achieve as much as you would have if you were truly passionate about it.

      • Attractive women may be in the minority but men who are persistent in their passion are an even smaller minority. My experience is that beginners dance classes are men-heavy and the women aren’t that appealing. At an advanced level though the women are hot and men who can keep up are in short supply! 🙂

        • Yeah that’s definitely true haha. That’s interesting about the dance classes. I guess it makes sense that there’s a “hierarchy” of sorts.

          • It can be counterproductive. Some women, even some very good looking women, don’t stay long or socialise because they are afraid they aren’t good enough at dancing, no matter how encouraging you are with them. It’s a prime example of people rejecting themselves before they even give others a chance to reject them.

            The only way to learn is to get out on the floor and make mistakes. Few people have that sort of courage.

            So many analogues!

  3. IP
    I read this and I found it a bit scary actually how powerless the boyfriends and husbands were in those situations. and in the article that the above publicist wrote. So how does a guy defend himself in those situations? How does he successfully keep his woman interested in him the odd time she meets an athlete or rockstar? The better question is how can he keep these situations from happening to begin with and keep the relationship and attraction so strong that he’s the only guy she’s into and she is off limits to absolutely any other guy. Note its possible the women mentioned above are just disloyal or there was something missing in the relationship for whatever reason but the publicists article suggests even perfectly loyal women who love their men still initiate and escalate with these athletes and loyalty and love go out the window. This could raise a lot of insecurities in men such as their girl could have an affair with a rock star or a sports star.
    If the above happened to me I wouldn’t take it the woman in question would be gone instantly no negotiating or second chances instead I would look for a better quality more loyal woman.
    As for the above questions I asked possibilities are
    continue unlocking and maintaining you inner masculine power
    set firm boundaries
    live you own lifestyle and have a strong identity
    really work on the intimacy both in and out of the bedroom.
    Is there any other options you can give to my above questions

    • Hi Scott, I think your ideas are very good on that–become more attractive, set firm boundaries, good sex, and so on.

      I always like to reverse the genders and see what happens. So if a hot babe in a skimpy outfit walks into the room, a woman would ask the same question–“how do I keep my boyfriend interested in me?”

      Obviously the answer is you can’t turn off sexual attraction. The boyfriend will see the other woman and he will find her attractive. Same thing in reverse when the woman meets a pro athlete or whatever. The sexual desire is from nature, it can’t be turned off.

      However, that does NOT mean we are slaves to our evolutionary instincts. I can be physically attracted to someone and still choose not to do anything with her. We still have control over our actions.

      Just as it’s a waste of time for a woman to worry about every hot girl her boyfriend sees, it’s also a waste for you or me to worry about every hot guy our girlfriend sees.

      Realistically, it’s useless to try to “turn off” that attraction, in either men or women. But a loyal girlfriend or wife will not go so far as to actually date or sleep with that other guy. She is still a thinking, conscious person who can make a choice separate from her animal instincts.

      It’s only a minority of men or women who cheat on their partner. If the relationship is going great and both parties are highly satisfied (which, quite frankly, is tough for a long term relationship, but it can be done), then the likelihood of either person cheating is extremely low.

      • Hey IP

        Thanks for your reply, of course you can’t turn off sexual attraction and obviously there’s a reason why these guys are able to create such powerful attraction in women and its not to do with their career itself more the characteristics and passion they needed to get that career to begin with. These characteristics can be developed by anyone with a lot of time and dedication. This is great news because eventually I could get to the point where I cause such powerful attraction whenever they are in my presence. It will take time to get there but it’s doable with a lot of relentless dedication. You can’t switch off sexual attraction but you can up your own sexual attractiveness and of course by doing this you can raise women’s attraction for you. This is what I should probably focus on then as I said one day I could be having this very same effect on women. From reading your other post I would say this is better done following the lifestyle artists path rather than the pick up artist path. Could you give some tips on how a normal guy could make himself so attractive that he has this effect, I already know one would be authenticity and I believe this very powerful in attraction,but if you could give me some others just so I have solid direction.

        • One last note
          my biggest worry was that it looked like from the article the attraction was so powerful the women couldn’t control themselves. As I said in my previous comment the best way to defend yourself is to become an incredibly attractive man yourself to the point where you are having similar effects and women are feeling similar attraction for you to the point of even losing control.

  4. Also the worrying thing in the above story about the NBA player is just how powerless the husband was and the wife natural attraction to the player was so strong she simply didn’t care about the marriage, it’s like she really lost all self control. One of my vows in improving with dating along with become a selector is to never be in a position of such powerlessness no matter who my competition is. Now as you said you can’t turn the attraction of but you can up your own to the point where yours is just as strong, and even if this did happen you could simply find a better woman quickly as a selector. This is actually a big boost for me as I mentioned my investments and my hunger to improve in every area of my lifestyle in another comment my level of attractiveness can go very high granted will take years but it’ll be worth it. Best part is proactively working in every single area the sky is limit. Even though I’m just a beginner at age 22 which is good as I’m getting an early start, and I already have some attractive qualities my ambition for one as well as motivation and hunger and my pro activity and willingness to invest in myself and improve and never settle. Actually I’m off to a good start to meet my goals, however I think its important not to get too caught up in long terms goals and overwhelm myself and focus on my incremental improvement in every area.

    • PS I also noticed how the answer is always the same which is to increase your attractiveness in all areas and focus on your own talents and wants. If there was a magic formula then this is it,its just not a quick fix its a long term thing.

  5. “Could you give some tips on how a normal guy could make himself so attractive that he has this effect…”

    To get to the level of a rock star would take a lot of hard work. But it is absolutely doable. Most guys, however, will be more than satisfied at a much lower level. You can achieve plenty of success and options with women without becoming an international superstar or anything like that.

    Also, adjusting the context as well as yourself makes a huge difference. In other words, meeting women in certain social contexts or situations where you have much higher value and status than as a stranger in a bar for instance.

    People always have control over their actions. If a woman intentionally cheats on her boyfriend or husband, after establishing an exclusive relationship with him, that is on her. Nobody can claim “whoops, it just happened” or that they are slaves to their sexual instincts.

    In my case, I generally don’t do traditional exclusive monogamous relationships, so this would not be an issue for me and others like me. If I or a girl I’m seeing want to sleep with another person from time to time, that is not going to cause my world to collapse, because I already have the right expectations going into it.

    If you want to reach the level of a true “sexual selector” per se, that is a great goal, and very ambitious. You’re right, there is no quick fix, only working on yourself to improve in all areas of your life, including in romance and dating.

  6. “As a matter of fact, most women work very hard to become attractive.”

    The dating market is about value. To be successful you need to have it and you need to maintain it.

    Firstly, women are inherently the more biologically valuable sex due to their ability to reproduce and this forms the basis for interactions – the women is deemed more in demand in dating/relationships.

    Women are gifted this value – by birth and puberty. The features men find attractive – youth, good skin, eyes, hair, body etc are genetic gifts. She does nothing to earn it – zero effort on their part. Men, being sexually diverse in nature will automatically find more women attractive (of value). And this is the key issue you are skirting around – the develompent of value.

    Most men have to work VERY HARD to BECOME attractive. A significant percentage of women JUST ARE attractive by their existence. You put one man and one woman of equal value side by side and odds are the man has had to work hard just to have the same ‘sexy’ value. Men have to have social skills, be charming, dominant, confident, have social status, good body and dress sense. women just need to be attractive, feminine and youthful. Dress sense helps but is hardly essential. Earning your ‘sexy’ value as a man is HARD WORK, trial and error, direct and public rejection. To become that sexual male you talk about is harder than the equivalent sexual female. A women doesn’t become, she JUST IS.

    Secondly, there is maintenance of value. Women going shopping for clothes, taking hours getting ready etc are not ‘building’ value they are maintaining/maximising existing value. Women while in competition with each other, are not in DIRECT COMPETITION – there is no physical/direct social conflict where one wins and loses and hence earns the right to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Further, while preparing for a night out takes time, it is essentially the same repetitive non-competitive effort – doing make up doesn’t take the risk of them losing public face or value. Learning how to do make up takes much less time and effort.

    Men also have to maintain/maximise their value but there is a lot more effort and crucially, DIRECT COMPETITION. Maintaining social status, being successful, leading interactions, keeping fit (after already building their physique) etc. So while women focus more on maintenance/maximisation than men do, not only is there is much less effort associated than with having to BUILD VALUE in the first place, but also less effort in maintaining value than men.

    “Yet women cannot just sleep with any available man; a lot of restrictions have been put on women in most cultures around the world. They are not allowed to have sex with every man they desire, and they are not allowed to have many different partners or be open about their sexuality in public without being judged.”

    I know this is a central tenet of girlschase but I disagree that ‘judgement’ is purely social in origin. All social norms originally derive from our biology and there is a very good reason societies have encouraged it – men instinctively find it repulsive if a woman is free with her sexuality because it signals the risk that any children she bears to him will not be him. A big risk. Also, as you mentioned above, a big percentage of men aren’t attractive to women, so its hardly the imposition you’re making it out to be. Women know its a risk to be seen as promiscuous because it reduces her chances of snagging a beta provider – this is deceptive self interest in action.

    The truth is the biggest ‘slut shamers’ are other women. All women have a vested interst in keeping the price of sex high in order to extract maximium value from beta providers.

    • I’m not sure who you are quoting. Those quotes appear nowhere on this page, including my article.

      But regarding your specific points, that is largely dependent on how you define “value.” To one man, a white woman with blue hair and tattoos might have a lot of value. To another, a black woman with dreadlocks might have far more.

      Women may be “valued” more than men (although that is debatable, and it’s not quite clear what you mean by that), but if so, that is totally men’s choice.

      “The features men find attractive – youth, good skin, eyes, hair, body etc are genetic gifts. She does nothing to earn it – zero effort on their part.”

      That’s incorrect. Firstly youth in and of itself is meaningless because what we are programmed to find attractive is the signals of youth (an obese 18 year old who has wrinkles from smoking for 10 years does not appear as youthful as a fit healthy 33 year old).

      Every other quality you mention–good skin, eyes, hair, body–are not genetic gifts. Rather, they must be developed and maintained, usually through hard work and lots of money over time. I detailed more on this in this article: http://justinattraction.com/2014/01/do-women-have-it-easier-the-truth-about-men-women-and-getting-sex/

      Re: a man “becomes,” a woman “is”–This is a common belief among men who simply do not realize how much work the typical hot babe puts into being hot. The hotter she appears to you as you look at her, the more work she has probably put into it.

      Sure, she is just sitting there waiting for guys to approach her. But that’s just the outcome of hours, days or years of work on her sexual desirability, usually going back to puberty.

      Most pubescent and teen girls are busy debating and analyzing boys with each other, and studying Cosmo and Glamour, for hours on end, while their male peers are playing sports or video games.

      “Women going shopping for clothes, taking hours getting ready etc are not ‘building’ value they are maintaining/maximising existing value.”

      Building vs. maximizing? A distinction without a difference.

      If you prefer, let’s say that a hot woman “builds” her sex appeal during her adolescence (building a wardrobe from scratch, becoming a makeup expert, developing good diet and exercise habits) and then “maintains” it through her 20s. Same thing.

      “Women while in competition with each other, are not in DIRECT COMPETITION – there is no physical/direct social conflict where one wins and loses and hence earns the right to be more attractive to the opposite sex.”

      I don’t agree with that. But more importantly, men do not particularly “compete” with each other to get women either. Certainly not in physical combat.

      Much of this “maintenance” vs. “building” stuff is just your rhetorical spin on the situation.

      You said: “… men instinctively find it repulsive if a woman is free with her sexuality”

      Our sexual nature is filled with contradictions and paradoxes. In one way, a promiscuous woman is unattractive because it reduces our confidence in paternity. But in another way, she is more attractive because it increases our ability to get laid and thus reproduce.

      I agree with your last point–the biggest slut-shamers are other women.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: