How to talk to women if you are quiet: game for quiet guys

Quiet guys and conversation with women

Being a quiet guy doesn’t have to be a handicap when meeting women. Quiet guys just have to figure out how to make it work for them.

I have talked before about the power of having a deep voice. But being quiet in general is a slightly different issue. One of the cultural male stereotypes is the “strong silent type.”

The potential is there for you to be sexually attractive to women. Women, often being more chatty and talkative, are drawn to men who are able to hold their own in a situation without needing to be the loudest guy in the room.

Nonverbal communication

Many guys think they can only communicate with people through words. But nonverbal communication is usually far more powerful than verbal. The way you look at a girl with your eyes has a powerful impact.

The way you move your body gives people information about you. You could walk around saying “I am confident, I am relaxed” out loud, or you could communicate that with your movements, hand gestures and facial expressions.

You could try to verbally tell people stories “demonstrating” your amazing confidence and bad-ass-ness, or you could send that signal through the way you hold yourself and the way you dress.

Approach women in quiet places

It doesn’t make much sense to go to loud places if you are a quiet person. You won’t be able to last very long shouting over the noise. And it creates a very bad framework where you are “competing” with the surrounding noise, thus constantly lowering your value.

Ignore those loud places and try meeting women in quieter places where you can be heard more easily. Instead of the loud street intersection where there are horns honking and sirens blaring, try a public park. Instead of a busy restaurant bar, try a quiet lounge.

Take women on quiet dates

Again, instead of going to places where you will be battling the ambient noise, play to your strengths. The problem here is that most guys assume they “have to” bring women to certain kinds of places in order to make the date enjoyable (bars and restaurants being the most common examples).

Don’t assume anything. The purpose of a date is to spend time with a girl and have fun. If you don’t enjoy a certain place, then it won’t be fun for you. And if you aren’t having fun, she will definitely not have fun (she’s following your lead).

And many girls are sick and tired of just going to bars all the time. But they go along with it because they are interested in the guy, and they don’t think they really have a choice. That’s what he selected, so she has to play along if she wants to spend any time with him.

Now, if you enjoy bars, that’s cool. Just go to quiet bars instead of loud ones. Also, opt for quiet times of the week when you take girls out. A bar that is loud on a Friday or Saturday will probably be much quieter on a weeknight.

Other quiet venues like museums, galleries, stores and shops, games or sports places (like ping pong or pool), a beach, or a park are good options to go during the meet up. You could also spend only part of the date in a loud bar or restaurant, and then go somewhere else.

Get more physical

Consistent with nonverbal communication in general, getting close to women and physically escalating is an excellent way of having a “conversation” with a girl without actually saying anything with your mouth.

Touching and playing with hands, hugging, pulling her in close to you, dancing, picking her up, holding hands, kissing her on the cheek or on the mouth, and putting your arm around her are all ways to “converse” and connect with her without speaking.

As the seduction proceeds and you two spend more time together, the weight of your interaction should be moving toward the physical end of the spectrum anyway.

The good thing about physical escalation is that it can work very well in loud environments.

So if you really can’t pull yourself away from those booming night clubs, then at least give yourself a chance and get more physical and less verbal (your throat will thank you for it in the morning).

Remember to play to your strengths. Maybe some other guy has a loud voice and is very talkative, and he uses that to his advantage. That doesn’t mean you have to do the same thing to be successful.


What do i say to her coverCheck out “What Do I Say to Her?
The Introvert’s Guide to Conversation & Flirting” on Amazon

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