I say, bring on your dating apps. It makes it easier for me to meet women in real life. Where others see obstacles and problems, you should see opportunities.
Most would say the prevalence of online dating and apps make in-person connection harder. I think the opposite is true. Here’s why.
1. Women are less accustomed to meeting guys in person if everyone is on their phones all the time.
Approaching has always been a rare thing–something that the “brave and courageous” risk-takers did. This is more true today than ever before.
So you don’t have to put as much effort into your approach as you otherwise would. Just the fact that you are approaching at all is enough.
In cultures where women are bombarded with attention from men (on the street, in the store, on public transport, in church) they get very sophisticated at dealing with men.
They learn early how to flirt, how to finesse a conversation. And they have very specific preferences on first impression, because they are always in “filtering” mode.
But in a world where men don’t approach women, just the fact that a man is approaching her at all is amazing. She doesn’t quite know how to handle it. She hasn’t experienced this very much, so it doesn’t take a lot to get her attention.
Think of two very different cultures: Italy, where men approach women all the time, and Japan, where approaches are few and far between.
Italian women are very comfortable dealing with men and harder to “impress” at first. Whereas Japanese women are quite open when a guy just has the balls to say “Hi, you look nice.”
2. You immediately stand out by approaching in real life.
The less men are approaching women in real life, the more you stand out if you do.
It’s the same principle as anything else: women are attracted to men who stand out. Whether it’s the tallest guy, the richest guy, the loudest guy, the best-looking guy, the most successful guy, standing out makes a huge impact.
This is why it’s so important to maximize your own potential and play your own game, instead of someone else’s game. And one of the easiest ways to do that is to approach her in real life.
3. You monopolize her attention.
While 500 little guppies are nipping at her phone vying for attention, mostly interchangeable, the big shark is standing right in front of her, requiring her attention.
Attention is currency in modern life, and modern dating.
One of the easiest ways to get it is to just walk over to a girl and speak to her.
Instead of being just one of hundreds of options, you become her only option, for that 2-5 minute window. You have your foot in the door and you can make your first impression.
4. Busting the paradox of choice.
The paradox of choice states that having too many choices can actually increase our anxiety and reduce our happiness. Our brains are constantly looking for the next option.
And we are actually less likely to make a decision, or commit to a decision, the more choices we have.
By approaching her, you eliminate the paradox of choice, at least for a few minutes (sometimes longer).
You’re her only option for the present moment. She can’t just flick her finger and never see you again.
The smallest imperfection will not doom you to oblivion. It will be just that–one small feature out of many.
5. Organic Attraction vs Online Algorithms.
Online dating is a linear process: First, look at the profile photo. Then the second photo. Next, read the description text one sentence at a time. Next, send a message. And so on.
But meeting in person is a nonlinear process–multiple signals are flying at you all at once, not in a sequence. This gives the brain a much quicker sense of the other person’s attractiveness.
By meeting women in person, you are tapping into this powerful mechanism for connecting with them, while other guys are severely limiting themselves.
If you have trouble approaching or talking to women in real life, check out my ebook “What Do I Say to Her?”