3 Simple Steps to Get Women to Approach YOU!

Do men always have to do the approaching? Not necessarily. Women do approach men in lots of situations.

I’ve always said that one of the best, and simplest, ways to take your dating life into your own hands is to just talk to more women. But there are plenty of opportunities to get women to come up to you as well.

1.) Dress and Look Great

Stand out from the crowd in some way. Be comfortable with attention. The more visually interesting you are, the more likely a woman will want to talk to you.

This goes beyond just “dressing nice.” You should always be dressing well as a matter of habit. Here we’re talking about wearing interesting items or clothes that create a strong visual contrast from most people around you.

If every guy is wearing casual jeans and a t-shirt, wear a cool leather jacket and stylish shoes. If everyone is wearing a simple shirt and slacks, throw on a cool blazer with some interesting bracelets, rings or a wristwatch.

If most guys in the venue are wearing safe, bland colors (greys, blacks, whites, denim, khakis, etc), then wear flashy, colorful items (bright greens and pinks, rich blues and reds). Or if everybody’s in color, then be the man in black.

The same concept applies to hairstyles and facial hair. Don’t be afraid to have an edgy, stylish haircut. And a full beard or stubble will make you stand out in a room full of clean-shaven men.

Related to looking great is smelling great. Find a good cologne that goes well with your body chemistry. As women pass by you in the crowd, they will notice it.

Finally, the more fit you are, the more visually appealing you will be. Get in good shape. If you need to lose weight or bulk up, do it. You can make a huge improvement in your physique in a few months or less with consistent exercise and changing your diet.

2.) Go to the Right Places

Spend more time in places or situations where women are comfortable approaching men. (So for you day game loyalists: this does NOT include the street or public transportation.)

Think about venues or events in your area where a woman would feel safe and comfortable talking to a guy she doesn’t know. You are looking for places that have qualities like:

  • A good sex ratio of more women than men (the more the better)
  • A safe environment where people can relax and socialize (the presence of alcohol helps)
  • A good age range (mostly 20s and 30s, but whatever age range matches your age)
  • An activity or environment that is female-friendly

What are some things that appeal directly to women? Here are some examples, both in the day and night:

  • Cocktails and white wine (think cocktail lounges and wine bars)
  • High end lounges and classy bars with a unique theme, cool decor, or a nice view
  • Any venue with a “ladies night” or free entry for women*
  • Sweets and chocolate (bakeries, cupcake shops, chocolate shops, ice cream and gelato shops)
  • High-end clothing stores (and related places: sample sales, fashion shows, perfume and cosmetic shops)
  • Healthy or organic food stores (Whole Foods in most cities, juice shops, salad shops)
  • Unique coffee and tea shops
  • A popular beach or park in a safe area
  • Arts and culture (independent film screenings, art galleries, theater performances, live music)
  • Unique jewelry and gift shops
  • Warm social settings: a private house party where people know each other, a friend’s birthday party at a bar or club, an office social event, a holiday party

*For you guys that complain that ladies nights mean women get in cheap or free, and you have to pay–just suck it up and pay the cover. The venue is helping you out by guaranteeing more women than men!

All of these places provide women with opportunities to approach you. Some are obviously more social than others, but a woman can approach you in all of these settings.

What are some types of places that do not appeal to hot single women? Or where you will find more men than women:

  • Sexually-themed restaurants or bars (like Hooters)
  • Strip clubs
  • Sports bars or sporting events
  • Dirty dive bars
  • Casinos and gambling
  • Diners or cheap restaurants

3.) Have a Welcoming Disposition

Remember to have open body language and a welcoming demeanor:

  • Make yourself physically available by standing or sitting in a central area of whatever bar, venue or store you’re in. Avoid the edges of the room. Be comfortable standing in the middle where everyone can see you.
  • Smile and have a relaxed, friendly look on your face.
  • Avoid defensive or closed body language like arms crossed, hands stuck in your pockets, or head looking down
  • Walk slowly so that people can say something easily to you if they want.
  • If you’re with friends, laugh, joke and have fun with them so you are more welcoming and positive to strangers.
  • Talk to people and be friendly and confident. As you socialize with others and seem cool and friendly, other strangers will be more comfortable approaching you.
  • Don’t be afraid to smile and make eye contact with an attractive woman. She will be more likely to say something to you.

Notice that these are the exact same tactics that women use to draw men in. They dress sexy, and often in an attention-grabbing manner to stand out from other women.

They go to places where men are more comfortable approaching them (like bars on the weekend). And they have open body language and positive, friendly energy to welcome men in (instead of a cold, distant or aloof demeanor)

How will women approach you?

If you’re waiting for a woman to openly hit on you out of the blue, you’ll be waiting a long time.

Expect her to open indirectly. She can compliment an interesting item you’re wearing, ask you for directions, or ask you if a seat is taken.

Very basic things like that will break the silence. From there it’s up to you to have a good conversation or ask them out if you want.

Anytime a girl speaks to you when she doesn’t have to, take it as an indication of interest. Or at least a sign she is comfortable with you.

I have been “opened” in this way before. Sometimes I ended up going out with or dating the girls.

I noticed as I started to dress better, exhibit better body language and more openness, women would ask me for directions randomly, or make small compliments or questions. From there I could have a fun conversation and ask them out.

2 thoughts on “3 Simple Steps to Get Women to Approach YOU!

  1. I think out of all three, the “welcoming disposition” is the most important. People don’t realize just how powerful the non verbals and body language are. In several cases, I’ve had women indirectly approach me, even when I wasn’t dressed at my best, when I have exhibited a strong disposition. If you’re walking and moving confidently, with a smooth walk (thanks, Justin!) head up, making eye contact and having a smile, you are going to look like a superstar when you’re among a sea of pensive, slouching, closed off guys.

    Also agree with dressing uniquely. One big issue is that in a city like New York (Manhattan in particular) it’s not enough just to be sharply dressed, because you’ve got 600,000 other dudes walking around who are all just as well dressed/good-looking/as fit as you are. If you want women to approach you here, I think it’s more important to be unique rather than just stylish in a general sense. Something about you has to stand out, and to do that, you’re going to probably have to become more comfortable taking some risks with the way you look.

    One thing that I’ve noticed that makes a difference is NYC itself. When you live in a densely packed environment where so many guys are dressing to the nines every day, it’s harder for one individual guy to get looks, approach invitations, and women actually approaching them. I can put on my best outfits and go out upstate, and I’ll get a ton of looks and interest indicators. I go out in NYC in that same outfit, and you could even have the same women from the suburbs there, and they would probably not notice me amongst all the other well dressed guys in the city. The point here is that you have to up your fashion game here more than you would need to in other places/cities.

    • Good points, Michael. And that’s where #2 comes in–a great way to stand out even more from all those well-dressed, stylish guys in the city is to find yourself in venues and places where there are more women, where the situation is more conducive to socializing, and where you have more status and familiarity with them than a random stranger.

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